When it became evident that some of my friends hadn't yet enjoyed The Room, I rounded them up, along with some who already knew and loved the movie, and SHOT THEM ALL. Just kidding, I rounded them up and threw a viewing party!
"This is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends- good thinking!"
Rather than making them attempt to maneuver around some half-pesto/half-tomato sauce chimera, I showed some mercy on my guests by simply making three whole pizzas. I was super lazy beyond that, though- I just rocked some pizza dough and sauce from Trader Joe's! The pesto was the classic pesto recipe from Isa Moskowitz's Vegan With a Vengeance, a recipe I love to make in big batches during basil season and freeze in single-portion sizes. I opted for Follow Your Heart mozzarella shreds, Tofurky pepperoni, and Yves brand Canadian bacon.
One of the more dog-eared pages in my collection of cookbooks is the Lemon Cheesecake recipe in Colleen Patrick-Goudreau's The Joy of Vegan Baking. I used some Mi-Del gluten-free gingerbread cookies to make the Graham Cracker Crust from the same cookbook. Did you know lemon and gingerbread together are a dynamite combo? I did not, myself, until recently, and now this cheesecake is my 'little black dress' of desserts: simple and easy, yet reliably stunning. I love how easily this cake can be made gluten-free in addition to being vegan, so I can share the sweet love with my friends and family who are gluten-intolerant.
Obviously no sane individual would actually drink this, so it was perfect to serve to the caliber of person who will be friends with me. I want to say I searched intensively, high and low, for the perfect cocktail recipe incorporating scotchka. In truth I just did some lackluster poking around on Google. At first, I was tempted to go with the King of Poland, because The Room's auteur, Tommy Wiseau, is most likely Polish (he is notoriously secretive regarding his origins and insists, through a thick European accent, that he is from New Orleans). But the King of Poland is pretty much straight up scotchka (the name comes from a particular brand of Polish vodka that's meant to be used) with a twist of lemon- not very enticing in and of itself.
Enter the Whizz-Doodle, a concoction from classic 1930 mixing guide The Savoy Cocktail Book. A local San Francisco blogger's revision of it caught my eye, and, due to my own substitutions and alterations, I decided it needed to be re-named. Gentlefolk, I give you:
1 oz. Absolut vodka
1 oz. Glenlivet single-malt scotch
1-2 dashes Fee Brothers Aztec Chocolate Bitters
1 barspoon Bee-Free Honee (or agave)
So Delicious Coco Whip
bittersweet chocolate & microplane
Mix the vodka, scotch, bitters, and honee/agave until the latter is dissolved. Shake with ice, then strain into a glass. With a spoon, whip up the Coco Whip until smooth, and scoop a generous dollop onto the top of the drink. Top with chocolate shavings. The reviews all around: surprisingly good!
- Those ingredients are just what I used; I wasn't compensated by any of those companies to use them, and I'm sure if you're a hobby mixologist with a refined palate you may wish to make some changes!
- Fee Brothers Bitters contain glycerin; I confirmed through Barnivore that it is plant-derived.
- Although this ends up being quite palatable, remember that it packs quite the wallop. I didn't brace myself properly before taking my first sip and nearly fell over!
The Room is a movie sodden with tired, gender-specific movie clichés: Lisa is the movie's villain, and although she's not exactly humanitarian of the year, her greatest crime is, ultimately, exercising her sexual agency. Part of the fun of playing along with the The Room in one of the midnight theater screenings is seeing that ridiculous binary writ large, and as clumsily as everything else in the movie. It's like straight drag, if such a thing makes sense. Men toss footballs and give each other high-fives that turn into awkward shoulder-bump hugs. Women look Sexy/Hot/Beautiful and receive roses while inwardly scheming.
I helped my guests get into the minds of the characters by giving them some props- red roses, OF COURSE, because I wanted all my guests to go directly home and have excruciatingly unarousing sex punctuated by nervous laughter. I also had a kid's foam football and a tray full of courtesy sunglasses, to be worn on the forehead while playing with said football and/or ordering said flowers and greeting middle-aged dachshunds (the closest I could get to an elderly pug on short notice).
I do have a hard time, though, not judging Lisa for going blonde and not bringing her eyebrows along for the ride. Lisa's thick, dark brows, when coupled with her bleached hair, overwhelm her face and become a comical focal point. I made thick brows for my guests using black felt and double-stick tape, and they were a hit! The end result was more Devo than Lisa, but it was a good first foray into the fine art form of making silly things out of felt to stick to my face (and those of my dogs).
If you'd like to host your own The Room party, or if perhaps you're feeling dissatisfied with the lack of variety in your personal eyebrow wardrobe, here's a quick tutorial on how to make your own felt eyebrows at home!